New Me

I don't know how else to really say it other than I am soo depressed right now. I hate my body (way fat now). This disease has totally changed me inside and out. I know that alot of this is just something I need to overcome myself. I admit that I don't pray as much as I should and I don't read the scriptures as much as I should and this is part of my problem. Everyday I tell myself that I need to pray and read. So why don't I do it? I know, I know, it is all laziness on my part. I have been telling myself over and over to not eat the sugar cause when I don't I feel so much better. So why do I constantly run to it when I am having a bad day knowing exactly how I am going to feel after I eat it. So here it goes....I really am going to do it. Read my scriptures everyday, pray everyday, and try my hardest to stay away from the sugar. I need to get this weight off. I know that if I lost the weight I would also have an easier time with this shunt and how the tube is moving around in me. I am embarrassed to go out with any friends (although I do) because of the way I look. I am so greatful that I have such wonderful friends in my life without whome I would be no where today.

Life will get easier, I just have to make it happen. I really thought doing this blog would be theraputic for me but so far I haven't done to well at it. I think about it all the time but then laziness creeps in and I say I will for sure do it another day. This year I am going to work on myself the best I can. There are so many thing right now that I need to change that it does seem over whelming when I think of all of them. So I just need to start it slowly. Definitely prayers and scriptures are top on the list along with eating healthy.

Now I really have to do this and not just say I am going to do it. So that is why I am documenting it here. I never really write down goals so I am hoping that if it is on here I will be more motivated into making the changes I want to make. So....I am wishing myself good luck!